I want to try heroin more than anything, but anyone I ask who knows a connection thinks they’re some sort of fucking holy being that won’t let me ruin my life. My life is shit, I fucking hate my life, let me have something to escape it you fucking skunks.

My friend took me and another friend to a small secluded beach at a pond today, and I took a little walk by myself that taught me something, this area was so beautiful, but there was still a bit of trash there, only a small amount, but once I saw it that was all I could focus on. It’s kind of like how the world is really good, but there’s some really bad stuff too, and I always keep the bad stuff in my mind instead of the good, so I’m always sad. So I learned that when I’m feeling sad, I just need to think of the good stuff that’s out there, like that small beach.

Speaking of my old group of friends, I miss them more than anything, my new friends are great, but I don’t have the same connection to them that I had with my old friends, they never want to relax, everyone always wants to go out and tear things up, I think some change is coming in my life and I’m horrified.

People said that I’d miss school and I, like most other kids hated school so much that I thought there was no way that could be true. I miss it so much. I miss walking off the bus with my friends, I miss rushing home and hopping on skype to play games with my old group of friends. I thought my days were wasted then but I work until 10 every night now, I’d kill to start it all over again and make it better, soak it all in.

There’s a gym within walking distance of my house and it’s only 10 dollars a month to join, I really need to get healthy and want to join but I’m horrified at the thought of people watching me exercise.

I’m feeling really good right now all of the sudden, I know I have work tomorrow, and I really don’t like my job most of the time. but just having a job makes me feel like I’m doing something right, and that I might be able to survive a while longer.